CrushCrushCrush
by Dean's Little Secret
Summary: Dean and Sam are drifting further apart as the days go by and Dean refuses to let his Sammy slip away from him, but will he push Sam even further away when he tries to fix their broken bond?


**Written by Dean's Little Secret and ****YaoiForeva**

**Warning: wincest**

**CrushCrushCrush**

Dean gripped the steering wheel tight, his knuckles had turned white a while ago and the music, Sam's voice, the rumble of the engine was just a distant eco. He kept staring ahead, not seeing the road or the dark sky that stretched out before him. All he could see, all he could hear were Sam's words, Sam's face set in an unreadable mask. He'd called Dean weak, said he was a better hunter, a smarter hunter and every word was an ice dagger to his now shattered heart. He glanced at the person beside him, the person who was once his little brother, now a stranger. Dean didn't know when it happened, maybe while he was in hell or right before his eyes, he just didn't know. What he did know was _his_ Sammy was gone. Replaced by some cold hearted hunter and Dean didn't even know him anymore.

Dean felt tears sting his eyes and forced them away, he couldn't lose it, _not now_. He had to get _his_ Sammy back, but was it too late? He glanced at Sam again, he stared out the window, like he used to, but something about him was different. Maybe it was the way he held himself, always stiff, never relaxed, or maybe it was his eyes. They didn't sparkle like they used too, they had lost their innocence, their kindness. They were empty and soulless. Dean looked away from Sam, eyes going back to the road that stretched on for miles before them. Leading them to new places and new hunts and every mile they traveled was another mile between them.

Dean bit his lip to repress a sob that was building in his throat, he felt his hands tremble and tears clouded his vision. He put all his energy into controlling his emotions. He couldn't lose it in front of Sam; he had to make Sam believe he was ok. Which he wasn't, he was so fucking far from ok. He was… broken, _shattered_, lost. God he was so many things Dean Winchester shouldn't be. He was weak, Sam was right, God he was right. The sad thing was, Sam didn't care that he was weak. He wasn't trying to make him better, he wasn't fighting by his side anymore, he didn't have his back. He had Ruby's though; he was on Ruby's side.

He chose some slutty demon over his own brother. She was the one who comforted him, the one he looked up to, it just made Dean sick. How could Sam trust her, she's a demon, she's making Sam use his powers and she's turning him into her own fucking soldier. Dean ground his teeth together, all signs of sadness gone, replaced by burning rage. He hated Ruby, he loathed her and he wanted to kill her, kill her for changing _his_ Sammy. She was trying to turn him into some demon; she said that she wanted Lililth dead, because she cared. The only reason she wants Lililth dead is so she can rule, rule by Sam's side. That wasn't happening, no fucking way was she turning Sam into some powerful demon. She would be dead before she had the chance.

Dean spotted a motel sign up ahead; they had been driving far too long. Dean needed some fresh air, he needed time to think, to plot Ruby's death. She wasn't going to turn Sam into a demon, oh hell no. She was going to be dead, gone for good. No climbing out of hell, no nothing, she'd be dead and Sam would be Dean's Sammy again.

SNSNSNSN

It had taken a few days to find Ruby, well he didn't find Ruby, she came to them. Now they were working a new job, something about demons, but the hunt wasn't Dean's priority. Ruby, the sneaky little bitch was and her days were numbered. She'd been helping them through the hunt and Dean; well Dean was being his normal self. He actually had to stop himself from laughing when he looked at her. Knowing she'd be dead soon, gone, for good.

Dean had trouble getting Ruby alone, but the demon had shut her and Dean away from Sam. She was yelling at him through the glass door to use his powers, her fists banging louder then the demons screams. Dean reached into his jacket and with steady hands he pulled the knife Ruby had given them, he placed the blade to her throat and her yelling came to a halt. She slowly turned to face Dean, her black soulless eyes boring into Dean's. She stood tall but the signs of fear were on her face. A smirk played across Dean's face, he pressed the blade harder against her throat..

"Dean, don't" she said through gritted teeth "I'm helping Sam, please, you have to understand."

"I understand" he snarled "I understand that you are just doing this for your selfish self, but hey bitch, you're a demon, can't expect much more from you."

"Dean I am doing this for Sam!" she kept her voice low, she could hear Sam wrestling with the demon in the other room, some poor possessed bastard "I swear."

"Lies" he stepped closer, she backed up, she was really afraid now "all lies" he bent down to whisper in her ear "It's all going to stop, right here, right now" he pulled back so he could look her in the eye "I'm ending it."

Ruby looked down, as though she was defeated, she wasn't going down without a fight. She looked back up, her eyes flashed black then she kicked Dean's legs out from under him. Dean gripped her as he fell; she wasn't getting away, the wrestled on the ground until Dean had her pinned beneath him, knife once again resting on her neck. She stared at Dean through fear stricken eyes and just when Dean thought she would start pleading to be spared she kicked him in the stomach and sent him flying backwards. He crashed through the door, shards of glass went flying everywhere and splinters of wood littered the floor.

Sam was staring at Dean perplexed, as was the demon he was trying to kill. Dean winced at the sharp pain that was shooting through his back, he was sure he had glass embedded in him. He saw Ruby stalk out of the room; Sam and the demon still seemed to be in shock. Dean gripped the knife tight.

"Dean, don't" he heard Sam yell but it was too late, the knife was already soaring through the air. A loud shriek echoed in the room as the blade embedded itself in Ruby's heart, her body jerked violently before collapsing lifeless to the floor. Dean stood up, wincing from the pain and turned to face Sam with a victory grin on his face. Sam stood perfectly still; so many emotions flickered in his eyes. He looked up from the dead demon and met Dean's eyes, hatred was written in them. He took a shaky step backwards.

"Sam" as Dean spoke, Sam turned and ran, disappearing into the night. "SAM!" Dean shouted, "Fuck."

"You've done it now."

Dean turned to face the demon, which possessed some poor painter. He reached for the knife and before the demon could register what was going on Dean had stabbed him "Go to hell" Dean hissed as he ripped the blade from the demons stomach, it collapsed to the ground with a heavy thud and Dean stormed off after Sam. _His Sam_.

SNSNSNSN

Dean returned the motel, alone; Sam was nowhere to be seen. He'd tried calling him and on the fifth time he found that Sam had switched off his phone. Dean sat on the bed, whiskey in one hand, phone in the other. He wasn't calm anymore, his hands shook with nerves and his stomach churned as the worry laced itself around him. Where the hell was Sam? Killing Ruby was meant to make everything ok, not worse. Now, _now_ Dean sat in some dumpy motel room with a bottle of whiskey and Sam was God knows where. He was supposed to be here, by Dean's side, riding shotgun. He was Dean's, Dean's brother, Dean's best friend's, he was Dean's. Not hers, not some demon whore, he didn't belong to Ruby, he belonged to Dean. He was Dean's everything, not hers, _not hers_.

Dean took a swig from his drink, he wish, God he wished Sam would just call already. Let Dean know he was ok; that he was safe and that he was coming back. Dean tried Sam's number again; still switched off and the worry laced itself around Dean tighter. He stared at the door, hoping, _praying_ Sam would just walk through it. Didn't happen though. Dean kept staring though, his heart racing and his head spinning. What if he was hurt or worse? No, he was fine and any minute he would return, oh God just make him come back.

"Damnit!" Dean shot to his feet and threw his phone onto the ground "Fuck" he quickly picked it back up, the screen was shattered, great, it was useless now. He threw into the trashcan and walked to the bathroom, his back was stinging and throbbing from the fight with Ruby. Stupid bitch, she was dead and still coursing problems. It wasn't meant to be this way though, she was just meant to die and then Sam and Dean would be ok again. Would be brothers again. Sam was gone though and Dean was here and they were now more then miles apart.

Dean stared at his reflection, his face shadowed in concern and his eyes glistened with unshed tears. He looked away, not wanting to see his own reflection. He turned away, breathing deeply, trying to calm his racing heart. He was about to break when he heard the door, a loud thud and then Sam was standing behind him. Towering over him, eyes filled with rage and sorrow. He grabbed Dean by the collar of his jacket and pushed him up against the shower door. He cried out as his back connected with the cool glass.

"Why Dean, why'd you kill her?" he shouted angrily.

"Because I love you!"

"Not good enough!"

"Not good enough" he shouted back "I'm your brother Sam, your big brother and she was an evil bitch who was just trying to turn you into some demon and she was getting close to what she wanted."

Sam's grip loosened and the rage died from his eyes "You think I'm becoming a demon?"

"I think you're turning into something I can't love anymore," he whispered.

Sam stared at Dean, tears glistened in his eyes and he was clearly fighting back a sob "I'm sorry."

"Don't say sorry" Dean hissed, "Because you're not, you're happy, aren't you? You're happy you're becoming a monster."

"Dean, no" Sam choked out "I don't want to, I don't." A single tear ran unchecked down Sam's cheek "I'm not evil" he yelled, "I'M NOT" he pushed Dean against the shower door. "Damn you Dean, I'm not."

Dean stared into Sam's eyes, Sam's lips only an inch away. He didn't even think about it, he just did it. His lips brushed over Sam's, a light touch, hardly there, but sometimes the smallest things can be the start of everything. Sam drew back; something flickered in his eyes, making Dean wish he'd kept his lips to himself.

"Is this why you killed her, Dean?" he asked, leaning in again, too close for comfort. "So you could have me all to yourself?" Dean shivered as Sam bent, licking a stripe from the collar of his shirt to his jawbone. "Well I can't say I haven't noticed…. the way you look at me…" a trail of kisses along Dean's jaw "The way you're soo protective if someone touches your Sammy…"

Dean gasped as his brother's hand found its way inside his shirt, fingers dancing up his taut stomach to a nipple, rubbing a callused thumb over it until it hardened, making Sam chuckle.

"You like it when I touch you like this, doncha Dean? Couldn't fucking _wait_ for your chance to have me for your own, to take her away from me so I'd have to come running to you." Dean finally broke out of his spell, pushing Sam away from him.

"It's not like that!" He hated how his voice wavered, sweat beading on his forehead. Sam just laughed again.

"Are you sure?" He took a step forward, but Dean was quicker, grabbing him by the shoulders and pushing him against the opposite wall. Mouth to mouth, chest to chest, hip to grinding hip, neither cared who'd initiated the kiss, only knew that neither wanted to be the one who ended it. Tongues fought for dominance, hands seeked hold on clothing, the towel rack, anything that would hold them from floating away from this dream, this nightmare, whatever was happening between them.

They broke the kiss only when breathing became an issue and they stood, silent save for their heaving breaths, the tension in the room suffocating. Neither stirred, their eyes locked, the next move unclear. Then, as quickly as they had parted, the brothers were together again, undoing buttons, stripping off shirts, all hands and tongues.

"Oh God what are we doing?" Dean said coming out of the spell or curse he whatever, he didn't fucking now what was going on.

"We're committing a sin" Sam said grinning "And I really don't give shit" Sam reached between them and started to stroke Dean's erection "I want this" he slowly unzipped Dean's jeans "and I know you do too."

Dean bit his lip as he watched his brother, his goddamn little brother go down on him, pulling at the front of his jeans with his teeth, looking so fucking _hot,_ making all the blood in his body rush to his groin. "God Sam, I do want it." He groaned, leaning against the wall and closing his eyes, ignoring the sharp pain from his glass wounds.

Sam grinned wolfishly as he yanked Dean's pants down around his ankles and straightened up onto his knees, fingers tracing soft lines up the outside of Dean's legs up to his hips, his palms laying to rest on the small of his back. Dean gasped as his brother's cold touch, and his eyes flew open and he stared down as Sam nipped playfully at a pronounced hipbone while his hands moved down, slowly, slowly, dragging the elastic waistband of Dean's boxers with them, his fingers tracing his brother's crack as he kissed each inch of newly exposed skin, savouring the small noises Dean was making in the back of his throat, the way his pale skin tasted like salt and sweat and something he could only define as _Dean_.

"Jesus Sam, you done this before or something?" Dean inquired, a playful smirk fighting its way onto his strained features.

"Would you be mad if I said yes?" Sam whispered, his tongue flicking out to taste the head of Dean's cock, making the man above him groan and shake his head.

"N… no… Christ Sam, just… Jesus fuck, this is so wrong!"

"Don't worry about it Dean" Sam said tracing his entrance with his finger. Dean groaned and shifted his weight, the overload on his senses (and sanity) making his knees weak. The next few moments were a blur, and the next thing Dean knew, his brother had his sinful lips wrapped around his cock, and three fingers knuckle-deep in his hole. "Shit Sam… there…" He mumbled, bucking his hips, fucking himself on his brother's long fingers and thrusting into his hot mouth in one swift motion.

"Here?" Sam whispered, bending his fingers _just so_, making Dean scream as his fingertips hit that thing inside that made his breath catch in his throat and threatened to make him spill his seed right then, into his brothers waiting mouth.

His _brother's_ mouth.

The voice of reason was just creeping back into Dean's mind when he felt his end drawing near, the muscles in his stomach spasming as Sam's tongue teased the head of his cock. "Oh God Sam" Dean cried out as he came hot and sticky in Sam's, _his baby brothers_, mouth.

"We are so going to hell" Dean panted.

"Dude, we were already, so let's make the most of it" Sam quickly pulled down his pants and boxers and lifted Dean up, his shaky legs wrapping around his baby brother's waist. Sam positioned himself, just inches from Dean's entrance "Ready big brother?"

"Ready little brother."

Sam pushed in, a little at a time, using all his self-restraint to keep from losing control, from getting lost completely and hurting Dean. So many thoughts in his mind, this was wrong, so goddamn wrong, but sometimes, like now, wrong felt so fucking good. The tight heat that surrounded him, egging him on, was like nothing he'd felt in his life, and soon, there he was, buried to the hilt inside his big brother. Dean whimpered and Sam looked up at him through his sweat-soaked bangs, concern lacing his features.

"You ok?" he asked, shifting his brother's weight so he could bring a hand up to cup his face, use his thumb to brush a bead of sweat from Dean's cheek.

"Just peachy." He replied breathlessly, wrapping his legs tighter around Sam's waist, bringing their bodies closer, forcing even more of Sam inside of him. "Just… move, Sam, Christ."

The younger Winchester complied readily, moving slowly at first, watching for the faintest hint of pain on Dean's face. Seeing none, he picked up speed, every thrust Heaven, the feel of brother clenching around him driving him wild. Dean held on for dear life, his nails leaving angry red marks on Sam's back as he arched in pleasure, nearly concussing himself as his head hit the wall. Sam stopped for a moment, putting a hand on the back of Dean's neck and guiding his head down to kiss him, full and sweet, his other hand snaking between them to wrap around the other man's member, stroking it in time with his resumed thrusts.

The two brothers fell into bliss, all the reasons why they shouldn't be enjoying this, why it was sick and wrong, gone from their minds. It was just them and the pleasure, _the sin_, each other, and how they'd wanted, no, _needed_ this for far too long. Sam could feel the end approaching, could feel the sensation told him he was about to lose it. "Dean, I'm gonna… d'you want me to-?"

Dean made a noise in the back of his throat indicating he understood and dug his nails into the flesh between his brother's shoulder blades, dragging him closer, their chests pressed together, their bodies as one, Sam shaking as he spilled his seed inside his brother, the warm wet filling Dean up as he too peaked, coming in Sam's hand as they collapsed onto the floor, the combined weight of the two of them too much for Sam's legs.

Dean pressed a soft kiss to Sam's sweaty forehead as he panted and drank in the sinful moment, flinching slightly as Sam pulled out of him and wrapped him in a hug, still shaking as he came down off of his high. "I know you killed Ruby to help me Dean" he said softly "I… thank you."

Dean smiled tiredly "I wasn't going to let her have what's mine."

Sam rested his head against Dean "I am yours" he breathed "always have been and always, _always_ will be."

"You better bitch" Dean said, letting his eyes close then whispering, "I love you so much."

"Love you too Dean." Sam whispered back as his eyes closed "Jerk."

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